So, we buy a lot of cat litter. Old cats, one who is diabetic and one who has kidney disease = lots of cat pee = lots of cat litter. The pet store where I buy it sells it in 30 lb plastic buckets, and if you bring back the bucket and refill it yourself, it’s a bit cheaper. I’m cheap, and also hate the idea of the plastic waste going into the landfill, so I try to always refill the buckets we already have. but occasionally I’ve been out and needed to buy a bucket right away and didn’t have the old one with me to refill, so gradually we’ve amassed a collection of 6 buckets. But since buying cat litter is kind of a pain, I just take all 6 buckets and then don’t have to go as often.

Apparently this is not normal behavior.

I know this, because nearly every time I check out, the clerk at the store says something to the effect of, “wow, lady, you must have a lot of cats!!”

This is someone who works in a pet store. They see people exhibit crazy, my pet-is-my-child behavior all the time. There is a refrigerator cabinet selling fresh, locally made, grain-free “doggy sausage” right next to the counter for more than I spent on lunch last week. I mean, am I really the weirdest one in the store?

I used to try to give a quick and boring explanation:

me: “Both our cats are elderly and they pee a lot”
me: “One cat has kidney disease and the other has diabetes. They pee a lot.”
me: “I have a young son and it’s really hard to buy cat litter with him in tow and also hard to find a time to run errands without him, so I try to buy a lot at one time so I don’t have to do this very often.”

Boring. So boring I got bored even typing out those explanations. I get bored preparing to answer the question as I approach the counter.

So today I decided that from here forward, I’m going to amuse myself by making up fantastical stories instead.

clerk: “Wow, lady, how many cats do you have?!”

me: “Five.”
me: “Eight cats.”
me: “Eleven white persians with matching blue eyes and diamond collars.”
me: “Twelve siamese cats. You should hear them meow. It’s never quiet in my house.”
me: “I don’t even know they just keep breeding.”
me: “Well, comrade, I live in a commune and we have 17 cats and this month I’m on cat litter duty. Can I interest you in a pamphlet?”

Is this how people become pathological liars? Is it sheer boredom?