6.16.03 – the cult of perfectionism

i’ve been having these guilt dreams lately, which seem to be a thinly veiled message from my subconscious to me about being over committed. in the first dream, my childhood friend callie is getting married, and i am a bridesmaid (see the actual wedding). i left just before the wedding, cause i had to get some errands done, and got distracted and missed the wedding completely. in another, i was at the park with some friends. tracy, who recently broke her arm, fell playing soccer and re-injured the broken arm. i offered to take her to the hospital, so i went to get my car, but then i got distracted by some other things on my to-do list, and when i remembered and returned to the park, three hours had passed and someone else had taken her.

i can’t be everything to everyone. the trouble is, i don’t know how to stop. i have this carrot-before-the-donkey sort of syndrome where i’m always sure that if i can just get caught on my to-do list for once, then life will slow down. trouble is, the list just keeps getting longer. how often am i really letting down friends in real life, not just dreams? how can i learn that i’ll never get it just right? or stop wanting everything?