lately it seems like i don’t have or can’t take the time to blog about the big stuff that is rattling around in my head. like about how my grandfather was in the hospital last week, and how the family dog went into the emergency vet on the very same day, and that by unhappy coincidence it turns out that both of them have cancer of the pancreas/kidneys/liver that is probably, eventually, terminal. and on the same day, how two of my friends had babies, joyous occasion on the heels of sad occasion, and the bittersweet reminder that life just keeps moving forward, whether we like it or not, and we can get on the train or watch it go by. and i wonder whether or not i’m on the train or stuck in the station. but i dislike being delineated by feeble, mixed metaphors for emotions and thoughts which are big and yet still unformed, which feel deeply personal and yet suspiciously like universal cliches, and so i shy away from doing the work, to process and understand it in a semi-public forum.

and i haven’t blogged about the marathon, which is just five weeks away, or about aikido, both of which are slowly transforming my body and my person. or about politics, about how sarah palin makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and how i actually donated money to a political campaign for the first time because i am so honest-to-god fearful of what will happen if the republicans win the election.

because those things, and more, are very important to me, near and dear to my heart. it takes hard work to write about them and make sure that i get it right. it’s easier to procrastinate.

and so, in the mean time, i write about apple pie. and….dragonflies!

this afternoon i took a little break from tech rehearsal and walked across hyde park to go to the bank. it’s a perfect early fall day: the trees and grass are still green, but there is a mellow golden quality to the sunlight. after leaving the bank i was passing a small park on 53rd street when i noticed the late afternoon sun shining across a little tree-ringed clearing. in the clearing, swirling a few feet above the grass, were dozens of big orange dragonflies. dragonflies are hands down my favorite insect. i made a few sorry attempts to photograph the scene – lit up by sunlight but seen against a backdrop of shade-clad trees, the dragonflies glowed like fireflies – but the beauty was all in the motion and the camera couldn’t do it justice.* i meant to return to the street but something drew me in. i walked across the clearing and flopped down in deep, cool grass on a little rise. slipped off my flip flops and dug my toes (tired from running 18 miles this morning) into the grass. i folded my hands behind my head and watched the dragonflies zip around crazily overhead, careening off one another in some frantic mating dance, and above them white puffy clouds streaked across a blue sky in ever-shifting patterns.

i’m not very good at slowing down. i’m obsessed with multi-tasking. but maybe the combination of sleeplessness (i’m in tech) and the very long run this morning finally put me into a zone where i could kick back in the lawn and just be for a few minutes. i was drowsy, and could have happily closed my eyes and taken an afternoon nap, warm in the sun, hair ruffled in the breeze**.

*i held very still and tried to pretend i was part of the landscape, but i wasn’t able to tempt any dragonflies into landing on or near me.

**tho, being the city girl that i am, i do know better: falling asleep in the park at 5pm is a good way to wake up cold and stiff, in the dark, with no wallet.