a good aikido class tonight. sensei has been out of the country teaching for a few weeks, which takes a teeny bit of the pressure off (of me, anyway). i trained with K, and i usually hate doing that, because she inevitably roughs me up, as though by being extra hard on with me she can somehow make me tougher, except that she always crosses the line past motivation and instead just makes me sore, afraid, angry, and ultimately, intent on avoiding her. but the school is smaller than it used to be, enrollment is down, and it’s hard to avoid anyone. and she was surprisingly patient and helpful. her aikido already was excellent; maybe she’s become a better teacher in the course of the last three years. nevertheless it was a full night of nikyo and no one escapes without achy wrists.

i have that Rip Van Winkle feeling about the dojo — while i’ve been away for 3 years, everyone else has kept training. they’re 3 years forward in their training lives and relationships and i’m still where i left off. except, that i’m not entirely. my aikido hasn’t progressed, but the ways that i use my body have, both good and bad. the arthritis in my right foot has changed the ways that i can move that foot, and i have to learn how to adapt my aikido to a foot that doesn’t bend properly (hence the achy wrists, because what does a stiff foot have to do with a wrist injury you ask? answer: everything.) but in more positive ways, the training that i have been doing folds back on itself and continue to inform other parts of my life. like a good northern californian, i did a lot of yoga over the past few years. matching my breathing with movement has gradually become second nature, and now i’ve noticed that i breathe differently on the aikido mat. i have nothing to back this up, but i have this notion that there are links between breath and ki, energy and movement, and this connection on the yoga mat has a place in other parts of my training and life.