So, we bought a house. More accurately, we bought an empty shell that I lovingly refer to as Our Money Pit. Renovations will begin just as soon as the permits come through, but right now its just so cold and dusty inside that its tough to imagine living there. Intellectually, I know that once the place is warm clean inside again, it will feel like a home, but we’re not there yet. However Ben had the great idea to invite a few (hearty) friends over to celebrate last weekend. A literal housewarming, if you will. And so I offer you,

How to throw a cocktail party in a vacant home in 10 easy steps:

1. One hour before your guests arrive, send an email to remind them that no plumbing means no bathrooms, so….pee before you come over.
2. Let your guests know that the attire is “sleeping bag coat.” If they are Chicagoans, it’s a safe bet that they have one.

3. Packing blankets make nice seating, except that it’s too cold for anyone to sit down anyway.
4. Keep the drinks menu simple, and warm (ginger hot toddies and irish coffee).

5. Remember that no plumbing means you also have to bring in the water for making drinks. Unless you want to be melting snow for your drinking water, a practice which I can’t recommend for Chicago. (Incidentally, plenty of snow (and pigeon feathers) collected in the bathtub since the bathroom window doesn’t shut!)
6. Hang some Christmas lights at the front door so your guests know WHICH vacant house to enter.

7. Find the single working outlet and circuit all the Christmas lights together. Add a cube tap to simultaneously power the space heater and electric kettle and cross your fingers. Locate the fuse box in advance, just in case.

8. Space heaters are a nice visual gesture but when its 10 degrees out, they have very little impact.
9. Have a thermometer around so you know exactly HOW quickly your guests will freeze to death.

10. After a quick round of drinks and a tour by flashlight, adjourn to someone else’s house to warm up over cheese fondue.