the tortoise is not well.

i don’t know what he needs. i have followed all of the directions for the care and feeding of a tortoise, but he’s stopped eating and spends all of his time hiding under a log in the cool corner of his habitat. when we take him out for a walk he is animated and moves around, but mostly seems to be aiming for the nearest dark corner where he can hunker down and hide again.

what do you do with a tortoise who won’t eat?

it’s not clear whether or not the director is going to cut the live tortoise from the play, but i have some concerns as to which will come first: the tortoise getting cut, or him dying from malnourishment or some other form of (unintentional) neglect. the cast adores him, i dread the thought of having to tell everyone morla croaked on my watch. i’m really very kind to animals, just ask my pampered, spoiled cat.

we also decided that it would be prudent to have a tortoise shell that looks like the real tortoise on hand, so that we could have the live one on stage for opportune moments, and swap the shell in during times when the cast needs to not be distracted/upstaged by a live animal. after an exhaustive internet search, i was able to purchase a red-footed tortoise shell of approximately the same size from, and i’m not making this up, skullsunlimited.com. with overnight shipping, the shell cost almost as much as the live tortoise did. plus, as an added bonus, i’m now subscribed to the skulls unlimited international catalog. i can file that with my cabela’s shooting catalog. this is what i get for making work purchases on my personal credit card. frequent flier miles (here i come, berlin!)and a lot of weird magazine subscriptions.