as of june 20, give or take a couple of days, i live here. oh yeah, i’m moving to california. i haven’t officially blogged about the big move here yet, tho i’m pretty sure that most everyone who reads this already knows i’m going.

i was trying to figure out why i’ve been putting off blogging about something so obvious and significant, while making time to blog about the color of the lake on a morning’s run, or what color Ira Glass’s dreamy eyes were, or puns on swine flu. i think, in part, because i dislike it when i put up poorly-written “catch up on the last few weeks/months” posts, because i never really intended for slithy tove to be a news wire of my rather ordinary life (update! i had a cheese sandwich for lunch. update! it’s raining. *yawn*). i’ve been thinking lately about what on earth slithy tove IS for. it’s not the same thing that it was when i started, and i’ve thought about closing the doors a number of times, but i just don’t quite want to. i love writing to the ether. of course, when i write some part of me is aware of and governed by my actual readers, made up of a few friends and family, mostly, but there’s something lovely and poetic about writing to the universe, putting it out there for anyone or no one to read. my blog is a language sketchbook. a place for me play with words, and maybe, once in a while, the exercise of writing routinely leaves me with a turn of phrase here or there that i’m pleased with. in the mean time, i process, i learn from the act of writing and re-writing more about what’s in my head than i would if just scribbled it down in a private journal and filed it away. which is why i dislike half-assed posts that are just announcements of what i did yesterday, with no attention to language or shape or texture.

but, putting that aside for a moment: I AM MOVING TO CALIFORNIA. there, announcement made.

i think the other reason i’ve putting off blogging this post is because i don’t have a succinct way of writing about this change, because it’s not a simple decision and my feelings about it are all scattered about on the floor. professionally, i’m moving to take a job, it’s a good promotion with a good company, and i’m lucky to have it. i’m excited about finding work that challenges me again, work where i feel like my contribution truly determines the direction that the art takes. i was tired of feeling superfluous. and personally, i was feeling this profound sense of stasis. i love my life here. i love my friends, the arts community here, the sports i play, the way chicago blooms in may and comes to life in june, warm summer nights and sunrise over the lake. i love cheap falafel and cheering for the underdog cubbies as tho i actually care about pro sports and riding my bike to work and my aikido dojo and walking into a party and knowing that i’ll know half the people there because i am an integral part of this arts community. but my life today is pretty much the same as it was three years ago. i’m better at the jobs i’m doing, i’m making a little more money, but basically, nothing was changing. and around me, the lives of my friends are changing in big dramatic ways, and rather than feeling secure in my stability, i was feeling stifled by it. i can’t stop time, i can’t cling to the things and the people that i love, so i need to move forward, boldly, gracefully*, instead.

so here i go. off the cliff. i tippy-toed around and whined about it for a good long time, but i finally made the plunge (and signed the contract and the lease, just to make it stick). it’s time for the next chapter.

well, we strive for grace, anyway. it can be elusive.