Goodbye house

goodbye apartments: my beloved two-flat on winona with trees at every window, the apartment on belmont with the noisy garbage trucks in the alley and vomit-stained sidewalks and tranny hookers out at 4am, the tiny studio on belden that was so small i could reach out of bed and touch the oven door where we sat on the floor and ate pasta and read the classifieds looking for jobs ~ goodbye running on the shores of lake michigan at sunrise, hot summer days and cool crisp fall mornings ~ bye to the many colors and moods of the lake, as many variations as there are days of the year: silvery like a fish and other days deep bluey-green, summer days navy blue and dotted with white sailboats, stormy muddy brown, waves breaking on the icy january rocks, glassy and reflective, clouds heavy with rain piled on the horizon, or the last time i saw it: 5am, sun rising, a red disc leaving a streak of red across the water’s surface, glassy but always in motion, a moment of stillness in a month of chaos. goodbye thanksgiving dinners at the keenans’ house full of laughter and love and warmth ~ the scent of incense at the dojo and the way the low evening light streams in the windows ~ the searing pain of a broken heart and life plans gone awry, the regina spektor album i listened to that first, excruciating winter on my own. goodbye to finding common ground bitching about the CTA and the never-ending winters and corrupt politicians and potholes the size of tiger traps ~ the smell of cobalt blue grease paint ~ the redeye crossword ~ the banana french toast at Over Easy ~ the day each spring when the leaves burst forth in hyde park, a canopy of green after months of barreness ~ grant park the night obama won the election ~ waking to the soothing tones of chicago public radio every morning. so long, lawn chairs saving dug-out parking spaces in the snowy streets ~ the unpleasant grind of evening traffic on lake shore drive ~ playing ultimate frisbee in 8″ of fresh snow ~ intelligentsia coffee ~ my first marathon ~ the way a fresh snowfall blankets the city in a profound quiet ~ the first time i saw a firefly ~ drinking beer on the porch on warm summer nights ~ the lurking gargoyles atop harold washington library. bye to putting up plays in bars and alleys ~ the view of the chicago skyline driving up LSD from the south side at night ~ that moment when late night becomes early morning, steeped in terrible coffee at the Golden Nugget ~ Jefferson Park el station and the city planners who clearly hate people ~ the smell of chocolate on the breeze drifting over downtown ~ nerd nights with the boys playing Battle Star Galactica the board game (oh yes, i did just own up to that). goodbye to the city where i grew up: i arrived here still a kid and somewhere in the last six years i grew up.

a dear and wise friend reminded me yesterday that i wasn’t leaving any of chicago behind; it’s all still here if and when i want to come back to it, and in the mean time, it’s all still in my heart. i’m just making my life bigger. i’m expanding it to include the adventures that lay ahead in california. my love of symmetry begs for a complementary list of things i’m going forward to in califronia, but that list doesn’t really exist yet. i don’t know what i’ll find out there. so tonight i’m looking back. tomorrow forward.

love you, chi-town.